Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
