omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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