he puts the penis in happiness.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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