Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
