She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
