3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
