did you get engaged???
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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