Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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