I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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