pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dignity is for republicans.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
