just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
false alarm, still single
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
