Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My life is pants optional.
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