That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize