Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
