last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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