she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
