ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
