how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
