ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
