We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
