yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
