Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
