whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You're like the curious george of whores
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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