I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
