he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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