I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
