Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
