please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
