her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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