I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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