I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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