so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Randomize
