I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
