Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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