He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
