I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
