I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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