dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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