So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
