I look better un-naked...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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