sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize