listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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