I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
