If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize