Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
