I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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