i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
