my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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