Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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