Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize