so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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