Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
