Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
