Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
