I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
