he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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