Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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