So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
