Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
