i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize