"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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