I cannot find my penis.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize