dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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