I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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