i think my tv is drunk
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
