you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize