I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
