I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
