well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
