She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
