thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
