ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
