Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
