Me too!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
