One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
