I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
