This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
whose parrot is this?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
