dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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