K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
