i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
